Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
