If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
