Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
