I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
