wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
