I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
