How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
