Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
