Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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