I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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