Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
