so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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