Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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