took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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