Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
