so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
