You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
