meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
