just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
