Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
