I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
