whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
