mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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