my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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