the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
