I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
