i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
