just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
