You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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