Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
