Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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