just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
