Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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