The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
