She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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