he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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