Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize