a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
