Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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