Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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