I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
