Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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