she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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