they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
