Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
