Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
