He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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