they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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