I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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