i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
