i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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