I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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