someone threw a dead crab at me
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
