my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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