dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
