I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
