Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
