Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
