The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
