You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
