I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Randomize
