yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
