im six kinds of drunk right now
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
