bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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