so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
worst night to have a conscience
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
wow bdsm is so cute
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
