and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
