I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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