No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
