Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
