I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my shit smells like andre
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
