Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
two words...techno handjob
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
