god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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