I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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