They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
did i walk over a car last night?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
