at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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