At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
